Sunday, 12 July 2015

The Joys of an Overthinker

Did you leave the heat on? Did the kettle fully boil? I have to make sure I get the first cup of tea in the pot because somehow the rest of the house likes to wait until a "brew" turns into full on tar. Will it rain when when I go for my walk, I won't be able to call for a lift home? I need the 30" leg in the Small size, but that combination doesn't exist in River Island, will I go for the jeans anyway? Did he know what I meant when I said "talk soon"? Is talk soon in today's language goodbyeneverwanttohearfromyouagaingoodlad? But that's not what I meant. I'm not a terrible person. 

Or am I?


You might need to re-evaluate the worth of your over-analytical label until you've met me and had a peek on what goes inside the workings of my head. I am sure on the big things; I've a fair idea on what I want to be when I "grow up" (says the person that's turning 18 in 8 days), I know where I want to study, I know what I stand for and the values I keep close to me to keep my feet on the ground, I've the memory of an elephant and am always sure what's happening most of the time. Despite this, I still can't pick a Netflix film, or decide what I want for dinner, or what emoji is most appropriate at the end of the text, or what grammar-related sin I will commit on twitter when I've gone over 140 characters. 

I picked this because it is the latest fiasco I've dealt with. Water, kids, noise, people, holiday season, great chance of slipping on wet tiles - not to mention I can't actually swim - perfect recipe for a meltdown at three o'clock on a Sunday afternoon. Why you might ask, why do I bother? It's an established fact at this stage in the game I will not be accepting a gold medal on a podium, gushing over a bouquet and cheering crowds standing next to Tom Daly, but, I still have to go. What do you do then? Might be your next question, my answer; I do my own thing. It's part of my routine to keep my back and the overall Catherine Machine ticking and staying in (relatively good) shape. 

I wasn't lying when I said I couldn't swim, I literally can't, but I have a routine of things to do in the water. It's a more hectic, fast-paced, hipper version of your average over 55s aerobics class at lunch time.

It does take a lot of confidence, it is to be said, to hop into a pool, as young as I am - and faff around like I'm doing the Buckaroo with my two legs, but it has to be done, and I do feel all the better for it afterwards. 

I don't appreciate crowded pools, noise, kids jumping on top of me, parents letting their children run free because "Sure it's the holidays", stares from people who aren't even doing half as much work as I would be, trying to figure me out. "You could be an award-winning athlete with plates and cups on the mantelpiece, who happens to be recovering from a sports related injury?"

*Spots someone I actually know*

Okay, Theory A gone out the window.

Let's get one thing out of the way. "I don't like surprises" is the biggest lie told by absolutely everyone when it comes to actually receiving something. However, when it's an actual, place you're going to - that's a different story.

What do I wear? Casual? Do I need to put on the glad rags? Will it be inside or outside? How many layers do I need to wear? Will I bring a jacket? How long will we be gone? Do I need to organise a lift home? Will we be eating? Will there be seats, I can't stay standing forever. Will there be a crowd? FILL ME IN ON THE DEETS.

I'll have probably ruined the ~surprise~ element to your brilliant plan, but I don't think anyone needs an already-worked-up-Catherine before I've even left the house. There is PLENTY more thinking to be had when I get there.

On a scale of I wonder what's the deal to why in God's name is the grass green do you get anxious over a text that has been read and not answered? The quickest route to giving me heart palpitations is leaving me hanging, answer-less. 

To add to the drama, most messaging apps will tell you when the person was last online, wonderful.

A lot of this anxiety stems from the fact that I was always told "Be careful, mind would you fall" growing up. It's instilled the thought, that no matter where I go, I might fall. Uneven ground and steps with no railings are a no-go, whether you're Prince Harry or my uncle - I'll probably ask you to help a gal out. There's no denying, there have been some near misses, and I do not have the graceful movements of a swan, but I still to this day - have not fallen in public. Given everything that's to be considered, I think that is a wondrous achievement. Can I put that on my CV?

I am the first person who will tell you "not to worry" and "sure it'll be grand" - I fail to take a leaf from my own book. As I'm getting older, and about to become a technically "responsible" adult, I'll eventually, if not already, outgrow a lot of these worries. I'm a worrier by nature and that can't be helped. While my head could be spinning from 101 distant, irrelevant happenings, my face would never show it. I try to exercise the Three Cs; cool, calm, collected - fake it til you make it kind of thing.

Whether these were the most useless pieces of information you've ever clapped eyes on, you can see where I'm heading with it..

And sure if your problems can't be fixed, boil the kettle (allow yourself to check it twice), and strut your stuff to some Destiny's Child, tomorrow's another day.


  1. Hello dear, how are you?

    Great post, loved <3

    Your blog is very beautiful, congratulations and success