Sunday, 26 April 2015

Thinking for Yourself | Living Freely


"If we were all the same, the world would just be boring" - how many times have you heard that? As clichéd as it sounds, it is by far one of the truest statements I have come across. Today I'm not going to talk about those who are aesthetically gifted compared to those who feel they are not, but rather being able to think and live for yourself, freely.

There are many reasons why we would follow the crowd; behave, think, talk the same. Our friends, our peers, classmates, age group the social norm? The fear of being a person outside of the social norm expected for you is enough to consume someone, rob them off who they really are. I used to be that person, I used to sing to the same hymn sheet. If there was any a time where I couldn't, for some reason, partake in this "norm", I'd feel guilty about it, I'd convince myself the fault was mine. The truth is, I look back on this now, and I nearly feel silly. But that is how I felt, that's how it was.

Over the course of a summer, I looked at this, how certain things made me feel, how I could change them. There is no magic remedy, no wise words from anyone to convince me that the Catherine that I am is perfectly entitled to be whoever the hell she wants to be. I had to say that to myself. Until such time that I was able to do that, I was at sea with the world and the people in it. I started blogging, doing things that I enjoy, meeting new people and now I can say that yes - who I am is fine, how I think and look at the world is A-OK, I'm not perfect, but there's nothing wrong with me. It took a bit of convincing.

I wish to outline, that in no way shape or form am I indicating to something more serious, this is simply a "human" thing, there are no labels attached it. I just believe that reminding yourself who you are, and to not let yourself be swarmed up in a pool of fake façade is a fundamental part of remaining true to yourself. It might sound a bit wishy/washy, but I don't make any apologies for how I think or say things anymore, I did that for long enough.

Why did I feel like this? There are a few things I can think of. The most straightforward way of explaining it simply; I grew up quite quickly for my age. I've talked in the past about how I've dealt with living with a disability or "the alternative road" as I like to put it. And honestly, I've no problem whatsoever with how things panned out. Of course, there were chapters I wouldn't wish to relive and I'm glad I have a lot of it behind me. But it's all experience. It's given me a way to relate to people I don't think I would have been able to otherwise, a certain determination that not one single thing can in this whole-wide-earthly world knock down. It's given me a lot. With that though, comes (possibly) having to mature quite fast, and it's not something that everyone understands, particularly my age group. It certainly doesn't make me better than anyone else by any means, but I did feel oppressed at times to say or do things that I really wanted to.

I started blogging, and hands down that was one of the best decisions I've made in the last few years. It's a platform that I CAN say things that matter to me, I can do a lot with this space and shed light on things that I care about. Not everyone may like it, and I can imagine a lot of people that may know me may not like this post. And that's ok, it doesn't bother me. I felt bothered for long enough, my quota has reached it's ultimate capacity for a long while yet.

In the beginning though, I was nearly embarrassed to say, "Oh yeah sure I've a blog, Breathing Silver Linings, yes sure throw it up on Google and you can read a bit". A lot of people know I like to write, a lot of people like what I write, why should I feel embarrassed by it? There are people that don't read it, and then there are people who do. It's encouraging and it's helping me to stay motivated with it and I'm excited to see how it goes.

Other things that help? Going for walks, taking pictures of pretty sunsets, being around people that I care about, laughing, writing - all things that I enjoy.

I wasn't lying


This has been one both one of the hardest things I have written, and possibly not one of the most eloquently put either. But up until last year, I would have wished that someone would have said some of these things to me. It's my aim with this post to say to you that whoever you are, or whatever you do, no matter how accepted, or unaccepted you feel - you are 100% you. And whatever that is, there is nothing wrong with that. It's your life, and living it in the shadow of others isn't doing anyone any favours. There will be people who will understand you, and there may be others that will scratch their heads and wonder about half of the things you say or do. Leave them scratching, but keep smiling. And in the end, everyone will want to know what your secret is.


"Mol an Óige agus tíocfaidh sí"
Praise the young, and they will grow



4 comments:

  1. Catherine that was a fab post, your words are so true and I love that you spoke from the heart, You are a beautiful person and I look forward to reading more of your blog! X

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    1. Thank you so much Denise, that really does mean a lot. Thanks for reading x

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  2. You are so young to have this attitude, it's amazing. I've started to achieve this attitude in the last year and I've ten years on you lol! Do you read skinnedcartree.com? Her latest post is about ways to stop acting what people think, which is sort of related to this. :) x

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    1. Haha thank you! No I havent, but I'll check that out now, cheers :) x

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